Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter…where doth the time go?

Well…I guess five months is a long enough stretch in between posts, but to be honest very little of interest happens in my life.

Turkey-day was pretty awesome considering we had big Fern in from Minnesota. It was freezing cold and we had way too much food, but good times were of course had by all. Although our air-mattress has never been the same.

Let’s see…what holiday comes next. Oh yeah, fat man in the red coat. N and I had planned on going back to Bozeman for the Christmas holiday, but Neener Neener Stinker Eater (also known as the Sour Kraut and Die Grosse Sausage-Kopf) had to work. In the end it worked out for the best considering we were treated to Christmas dinner Champaign-Urbana style. The Midwest is a weird place full of weird people and I seem to be related to most of them. Sane folk would make family reunions boring, right?

N’s birthday struck like thunder in January. We went to some crazy Brazilian steakhouse and I consumed massive amounts of meat and a fair number of caipirinhas in downtown Chi-town. It was ssswwweeetttt, and then the bill came. I immediately returned home to change my pants.

Moving on…N went to Germany in February for her dad’s 60th b-day leaving me to fend for myself with Hungryman dinners (“over a one pound of food”) and frozen pizzas for two weeks. It was a sad and lonely time for A-bomb.

In March a certain red-haired Oregonian and his lovely wife came to visit in order to check out Northwestern and the Chicago area. It turns out that they, along with their two unruly children, will be moving to Chicago this summer. The Oregon-Northwestern pipeline continues unabated. Be warned…you may be next (although I doubt it).

Finally, in April I learned that I will be receiving funding to conduct language study and research at Waseda University in Tokyo. Woo-Hoo! When I told my Japanese colleague Taka that I would be spending July and August in Tokyo he responded with the little factoid that most heat-related deaths in Japan occur in that city during that period. So that’s nice. At least I've got my X-box, oh wait I forgot--red ring of death!

Anywho…hopefully this gives people a little more info on what’s goin’ down around here. Although I’m sure that most people have long given up checking on this page! However, for those faithful few here’s a few pics.

P.S. I’m going to try to post more often! Take that.

A Month of Solitude and Hardship Followed by a Week of Lounging

Well it’s hard to believe that my last post was about Halloween and now it’s almost turkey day. In my defense, however, I am really f-ing busy. I have found that I rarely respond to emails or phone calls (unless they are directly related to my course work), which seems to confirm my suspicion that I am indeed sacrificing my social life (and, some might say, my sanity) at the purple and gold (who the hell chooses these colors?) alter of Northwestern. Recognizing my descent into the “I see dead people” kind of nuttiness, I have made considerable efforts to relax this week.

Let me lay it for you—
Saturday: purchased Halo 3 and tortilla chips.
Sunday: played Halo 3 and ate tortilla chips.
Monday: watched “Daywatch” and played Halo 3, then felt guilty and read about Manchukuo.
Tuesday (today): penned a blog and prepared for the imminent arrival of El Machetito (I am sure that there will be some Halo goin’ down).

So all in all this week is looking pretty good (if I don’t look down the road to the scheisse I have due) and I psyched about some R&R. N and I plan on making a butt load of food on Thursday, so if anyone is in town feel free to stop by!

--N Update--
Well N finally has a job (thank god) at a bookstore here in Chicago. It’s not exactly what she wanted, but it gives her something to do while she continues to look around. More importantly, I now receive 33% off any book. Swwwweeeeeetttttt. In addition, it helps to have some money and I am sick and tired of being the primary bread winner. I mean, jeez. Every day I roll out of bed around 9 or 10 (a.m. mind you), have some coffee, go to class, and read. What kind of a life is this? It takes a heavy toll on body and mind. I have a bad case of Grad Student Ass from sitting on cushionless seminar chairs and I am gravitating more and more toward tweed jackets with elbow patches. All those hours I have spent listening to guest lecturers and eating free lunches, I can’t get that time back people. I feel like a 30 year old in a 29 year old body.

Anywho…N and I are going to get supplies for our turkey day celebration, and N wants to go to the Chriskindl market (but we probably won’t since the pictures scare the shit out of me). I’m pretty sure they are stealing souls at that place.

On a final note, if you click here you can see where I am going to retire on the funds I will have amassed as a professor at Carroll College (oh wait, I think they finally shut that place down).

Have some turkey for N and I!
ACP

A Truly Frightening Affair

Warning: this post may contain some egregious grammar errors and generally bad writing due to the fact that the author, me, was nursing a hangover of epic proportions.

What is it with Halloween that makes people lose their minds? Last night N and I were treated to some of the greatest Halloween dip-shitery ever at a costume party organized by some fellow grads.

After frantically searching all over town for some suitable costumes with which to achieve the lowered admission fee ($3 for the costumed and $6 for the lame), N & I finally decided on going Euro with Pippi Longstocking and Michael Ballack (a German fussballer). N actually produced her outfit with a trip to the fabric shop, while I simply threw on my Ballack jersey and some shorts.

I know, I know. A real lack of effort on my part, but I have never been completely comfortable in embarrassing costumes. Luckily (or, perhaps, unluckily), other partygoers had no such inhibitions. The Britney half of the Brit/K-fed duo was particularly disturbing, as was the Borat super-thong.

Good god people, think before you act. Those little feelings of insecurity as you’re putting the costume on are there to help you. They keep you from doing things you might regret, especially when that regrettable action is taking place at party where ¾ of the people are strangers.

I have a feeling that “Britney,” a first year Africanist, will be encountering a number of snickers and leering glances in the coming months. At least Borat had a fake mustache and gigantic glasses.

I hope that all of you have equally eventful Halloweens, and I hope that those in Eugene have made a trip to the corn maze of terrorrrrrr.






Just thought I would throw in one of my "action shots." The moves required for this pic almost sent me to the hospital. It's a sad, sad life I lead.

Finally I can combine my love of History and Lasers

Oh yes, history has gone high tech. Well not really, but I do have a course across the hall from this awesome sign. This particular class takes place in the Technological Institute (logically the proper place for all history courses), which is a maze of corridors, double doors, and people with goggles and white coats.

If you look closely at the image you can see a bearded spectacle wearing ghost!

Why do I have such a problem with shaving? In between puffs on my pipe (and while wearing a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows) I tell N that it has to do with Foucault, breaking traditional gendered aesthetics, and keeping my face warm--but in reality I think I am just really, really lazy!

On a side note, N and I are venturing to IKEA today--Gods help me (and my wallet).

Finally, I will leave you with something I came across while doing some reasearch on conceptions of hygiene as a marker of modernity. This statement was originally included in Japan's Central Sanitary Board's first report in 1879: "Where hygiene is poor, it must be improved, where it is lacking, it must be imposed." Man those guys were awesome! If anybody is interested in issues like hygiene and the creation of modern health regimes in China and Japan, you should check out Rogaski's "Hygienic Modernity."

Jeez I'm a nerd.
ACP

The Long Awaited Update

Wow, it didn’t take long for me to become the most infamous of bloggers—the no-update-guy. My apologies! I just want everyone to know that, like my man Jacko says, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror…I’m asking him to change his ways.”

Anywho…that last couple of weeks have been crappy, super-crappy, and moderately bearable (with patchy crapulence). It all started a two Mondays ago (imagine squiggly flashback effects) when Professor !@#$bag informed my partner and I that our plan to lead the discussion section in our graduate seminar “needed a little more structure.” That was great to hear an hour before class (and after she cancelled our meeting scheduled for the previous day). Nevertheless, since the War of 1898 is my strong point, we managed to fumble through it for three fucking hours. Swwweeeetttttt. The best part was when I related my history of GTFing to which the professor replied, “great you’ll know exactly what to do.” Indeed, managing 25 semi-conscious undergrads for 50 minutes is exactly the same as preparing a three hour class for graduate students. However, one good thing did come of this experience. The professor was able to catch up on some reading during class. Oh sweet academia, why do you taunt me so. If I didn’t take solace in the fact that I get paid to read and talk about books, I would be a bitter and lonely man.

But now on to a detailing of some more recent events. Last week I was hit with a double whammy, the plague and a crashed computer. The cold was actually nice because no one on the “L” would sit next to me (I’ve become that strange guy). I was, therefore, able to fully enjoy the creature comforts graciously provided by the Chicago Transit Authority. P.S. never fall asleep with your face touching the cushion of a seat on the L. If you do, you might as well check yourself in to the nearest CDC facility for a little R & R.

The crashed computer was somewhat more problematic, though my love-hate relationship with this piece of scheisse made it impossible to get too upset. “Crashed” may be a bit too strong of a word since the problem was isolated to the monitor (or screen, I don’t know what the hell to call it), but I couldn’t access any of the computer’s functions. I thought that perhaps the LCD display was shot, but the screen powered up and I could see a tiny strip of desktop at the bottom (just not enough to do anything with). After four days of turning it on and then off again, I decided to take action. Being the tech savvy a-hole that I am, I immediately popped the keyboard off and began to “poke around”—a decision which I instantly regretted when confronted with a shiny cables, green boards, and pink hearts. On a side note, you all should check out the Lucky Charms website, two words: holy and shit. Anyway, after several hours of prodding and poking I eventually broke something (see attached photo) and decided to close up the patient. But wouldn’t you know it, the piece that my giant sausage fingers managed to pry loose just happened to be the problem. Yeah, chalk one up for the computer-retarded. This little fellow actually puts the computer in hibernate mode when you close the laptop, and it was stuck in the down position. I guess this gives me one less reason to post late!

But enough about me, I’m sure you all want to know what the Sour Kraut is up to these days…I think the picture says it all!

Stairway to Heaven, I think Not!

I thought for this post I would, for your enjoyment and edification, rehash N and I’s first few days in the Windy City.

After circling a two block radius for about 30 minutes, N and I finally glimpsed our new digs. We immediately fell in love with the building but were a bit concerned when we discovered that our boxes would have to travel up three stories before they could be unpacked. Funny, I could have sworn that I read something about an elevator on the website. With a little help from my folks, however, the Sour Kraut and I were able to get our massive amounts of scheisse (not literally poop but of equivalent value) up and into our new place. I, of course, wanted to sue the realty company and the city of Chicago, but calmer attitudes prevailed. I now believe that this was probably some crazy diet exercise scheme executed in an attempt to force the Ninja to drop a few pounds. I am happy to report, however, that Chicago’s many pizzerias, falafel joints, and pastry shops have entered the fray on my side!

Anywho, after we unpacked Nina and I crashed on the air mattress (in honor of Matto, Trust in Steel, and, I’ve come to discover, El Machetito) while my folks usurped control of the bedroom. The following day we drove down to Champaign/Urbana for my grandmother’s funeral. Her death was a shock, but when a woman in her 80’s says that she’s ready to “go to heaven” I’m not going to stand in her way. All in all it was not a great summer for grandparents; N lost both of her grandfathers within one month.

Adding to the misery, Ze German finally had the pleasure of meeting my Illinois relatives. Good thing we were already married and that she is not the type of woman to be scared by a bald man with alligator skin boots and bat (Halloween not Cubs) tattoos on the back of his head.

On a brighter note, our new neighborhood is pretty nice with a lot of funky shops, restaurants, and bars. Andersonville started out as a primarily a Swedish district and to this day it still retains a number of Swede inspired grocery stores and restaurants. Adding to the cultural milieu is a significant (as opposed to an insignificant?) gay community which makes moi the worst dressed male on the street (like I don’t have enough confidence issues). Machetito and I could get some strange looks when he comes for Thanksgiving! Andersonville is about halfway between the Northwestern campus and downtown Chicago, which I assumed would make it really convenient. In reality, however, it just means that we are about 45 minutes from anywhere. One positive is that we live about five minutes from an El stop and ten minutes from Lake Michigan (both of which I’m convinced contain pee).

On that note I shall end my post with an invitation for all—come to the glorious Midwest and experience all that Chicago has to offer!!

I leave you with a picture I took while studying in Japan a few years ago. I believe it contains words of wisdom we all can learn from. Enjoy de kudasai!

Fear the coming of der blog!!!!!!!

Well…fear maybe a bit too strong, but you should at least feel somewhat apprehensive at having to read yet another asinine blog (not to say that your blog is asinine, rather I refer to all those other blogs—wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Indeed, if my first post doesn’t drive you to suicide, it will surely bring on a bad case of irritable bowel syndrome.

Though many of you doubted my resolve, der blog has arrived. Tired of waiting on a certain German (don’t tell her I said that), I have struck out on my own to bring truth and justice to the internets (that’s right I said internets). [1]

So again I repeat—fear the coming of der blog. And, in the words of the immortal Patrick Swayze, aka James Dalton, “expect the unexpected.”


[1] (To be read aloud quite quickly) The above mentioned “truth” and “justice” refer to the recounting of my daily activities in the Windy City and in no way relate to any real “truth” or “justice.” Any relation to actual “truth” or “justice” is purely coincidental.

Warning—this blog may cause brain damage!